Hi all-
I write to you on a Sunday afternoon, one year after the day of my mastectomy. Since I've had to have cancer, I'm relieved to be on this end; a year later.I'm hopeing to be bloggin next year on this same day. Today has been much more pleasurable than last year. I spent it with friends & family, in the sunshine. We had a great day of living!
Looking back, I feel its been an emotional, and eventful year. Shaving my head, receiving chemotherapy, racing for the cure, having a great Christmas with friends and family, ending chemo, trying to go back to work & then realizing that I couldn't,a bone biopsy, and now I'm about to start radiation.
One year and two days after my mastectomy, is when I'll start radiation. Last Thursday, I had my "fitting" for radiation. I call it a "fitting" because I laid on a chemical that makes a cast of my upper body. The chemical is pored into a big, garbage bag & is secured close.That's when I was instruted to lay on the bag. The techs (there were two of them)then tape me to the garbage bag, so that it molds against my body, fitting snuggly against me. While I laid there exposed, waiting for the chemicals to harden, the tech began to mark guide lines with a paint pen. "From high on the sternum to diaphragm" is what this tech was instructed to mark. The same markings were placed on each of my sides, ending in the axilla area. Right before the actual CT scan started, the tech placed marking beads along the paint line. I don't completely understand it all just yet, but from what I do know, all of this combined is to get me into a position for exact radiation, and then to get me in that exact same postion, for 10 days. Once I've had the radiation experience, I'll be sure to blog and let you all know all the exact details.
After my "fitting" was complete (total about 17minutes)I was feeling pretty down, and even shed some tears. (I'm not as tough as most of you think)The tech who has the great job of chemical pouring, taping, drawing with paint, etc... hugged me tight, and even cried with me. The experience was so overwhelming, I forgot her name, but not her compassion or gentle touch. I'll learn her name tomorrow, remember it for always,and thank her for giving me such great care. I don't admire her job.
Needless to say, that I don't feel like being in a bathing suit, exposing the painted belly/sternum! Even though my weekend started out, shaky, I was able to relax, and some have fun. I've learned that shedding those tears, getting them out, and then living, is the right way to handle everything. (at this point,for me)
So here we are, at the beginning of a new fight, and I'm ready, Steve is too. He is such an advocate for me. Whatever the calling might be, he puts on that hat! I'm so thankful that he is in my corner, loving me & caring for me. I also want to say, that I have some really great friends, with great children & their really big chi-wa-wa, Glodie, who give me the support, laughter, and love that I need to get through some hard times. (i wont mention names because i don't have permission to do so)Of course, there are many friends in my corner cheering me on with encouragement, jokes, & love; thank goodness I don't have their permission to include their names, because that list is long! I feel blessed to have so many loved ones on my side!! Thank you .....
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6 comments:
whoa! big day for you...and steve..and the technician =) is really nice you had someone there with you that was compassionate and caring...so many of us wish we could be there with you too! i have strong shoulders...you can cry on me..might have to bend down a bit..but mehhh ..is okay =)
dont worry yourself for a minute about the markings..we can play connect the dots later, no? they will fade..who cares! all we care about is YOU...your health and well being is all that matters
still plugging along on the night shift in the cardiac ICU here in North Carolina...come see me! when the weather is better =) woot..we could have such fun and get into such trouble..heheh
keep smiling my friend..my heart is with you
robin
Hi Tiffany,
I apologize in not sending you a message earlier. I just caught up on your blogs.
I'm speechless. You have endured such a difficult cross with such grace, humility, and patience...not to mention fortitude! You don't realise how much that inspires me and all those those that are privileged to know you.
I recently had my best friend of 20+years, Jennifer, tell me that she has stage 4 brain cancer, fastest growing tumor to be diagnosed with. It is inoperable because it covers the part of the brain that control speech. The surgeons at Duke University don't even want to take a chance.
Sometimes when I talk with her, your face and smile comes to mind. In some ways she reminds me of you, hearing her gear up for 6 wks of radiation and chemo treatments with such a positive attitude. She is in week 3 of both and so far I'm grateful she hasn't felt any side effects.
Tiffany, thank you for teaching all of us what is most important in life...faith, family, friends...we seem to complain about the stupidest things. I pray that I can help her through this without her ever seeing me break down. Her husband and 3 boys are having a difficult time dealing with it, but are a pillars of strenght for her. Is it okay to admit to you that I'm weak and privately broke down last night and cried like a baby. Paul drove up to DC from Portmouth Saturday morning to pick me up and then drove another 4 hours to PA just so that I could spend a few hours with her. I'm eternally grateful to him for doing that for me.
Do know what made me stop crying this morning? Reading your blogs and seeing all the wonderful comments your friends write you. You are truly blessed from above.
Please know I keep you and Steven in my daiy prayers and rosary. I like this saying...True friendship is like a poem...whispered from one heart to another...Keep the faith!
God Bless,
Vanessa
Tiff,
Tears are A-OK. Sometimes necessary to remind us we are still human and to keep us humble! I couldn't help but remember a couple of nurses who took care of me in rehab. They were superb and often kept me in stitches during those difficult weeks. Its terrific that your care-givers have been so wonderful and compassionate! As our site marks its one year anniversary, I'm excited to hear we're going to be giving it a makeover. Hope to get with you on this as soon as Karen can slow down!
Tiffany, I think of you daily. Your enthusiasm is inspiring. I'm praying God will give you strength for this new battle you are about to endure.
God bless you,
April
Hi Tiff - thanks for the update, sounds like a tough week - you have the right attitude though, cry when you want to, get past it and move on. Those radiation suites are scary, I am glad to hear that you have a compassionate Nurse with you, that is helpful. I'll keep praying and you keep up the positive attitude!
love ya,
kathyb
Hey Tiff, Wow just read your blog. What a big day for you and Steve. I know it was tough but I am so glad you shed some tears. It is okay to cry whenever you want to! I am so proud of you. You are handling this with such grace, strength, and beauty. You are amazing to me!I am so thankful for that technician that hugged you.What a blessing. I pray there will be many angels like that-that take care of you when you need them. Stay strong, focus on healing which is your job right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday! I love ya girl! Carrie
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