Hi Friends & Family,
With a heavy heart, I write to you folks to let you know that after nine radiation treatments, I have skin irritation and fatigue. Both are normal with radiation therapy. I am fortunate to only have 10 treatments, versus another gal I heard of just completing her 52nd.
Like I said, I am fortunate, but I write tonight, with a heavy heart. This week, we received news of a friend and great sailor that lost his battle against Leukemia. My world is crushed because I just talked with him, only last week , and he, like many times before, inspired me! He was happy and full of hope, and I can still hear his positive words. He told me over a year ago, "Stay strong & fight hard"; something I have never forgotten---something I will never forget. Then I was told by a colleague of mine, that she was just diagnosis-ed (is that the right spelling?)with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. This is the same disease that I have, or had? Do I still have IDC? I don't really know that answer.
I feel, many sad feelings, for my friends, for his wife. I wish I could do something for them, somehow ease ..... I feel very sad. Both families are in my hourly thoughts, and my daily prayers. Please include them in yours; I'll owe you one if you do! If you haven't taken the time today to tell your family that you love them, please do.
Just for right now, "Live like you were dying", and tell everyone you love how much they mean to you. God bless you!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Halfway thru Radiation
I've completed five days of radiation, with only five to go. The process in uneventful, therefore leaving me kind of at a loss for words. My skin is developing a slight sunburn, without me having the pleasure of getting out in the sun. I've been using Aloe lotion that the radiation doc & nurse issued me. It is good thick lotion; kinda smells bad!Maybe I'll start adding some Lavender to it.
I feel blessed to have to do just a few days of radiation. I've heard stories of folks have 60+ days or more of radiation; I feel bad for them and wish that somehow I could help. That is why I feel blessed to have so few days of radiation. Another blessing, is Steve being able to take me. I'm just thankful his job allows him to be this involved with my care.
As usual, I'd like to express my appreciation for your words of encouragment. I read that guestbook & comment section a couple of times a day. Your support helps me stay positive; a key tool in fighting cancer. Thank you to each of you!
I feel blessed to have to do just a few days of radiation. I've heard stories of folks have 60+ days or more of radiation; I feel bad for them and wish that somehow I could help. That is why I feel blessed to have so few days of radiation. Another blessing, is Steve being able to take me. I'm just thankful his job allows him to be this involved with my care.
As usual, I'd like to express my appreciation for your words of encouragment. I read that guestbook & comment section a couple of times a day. Your support helps me stay positive; a key tool in fighting cancer. Thank you to each of you!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Day One of Radiation
Hi all,
'Interesting' is the way I'm feeling about my first day of radiation, and a bit uneventful. Whenever Steve is with me, nothing eventful happens.
I got to lay topless in my body cast, in a warm CT room. Who has ever been in a radiology department,and it be warm? It isn't right, not the norm for sure! Steve stood by, caressing my lower left leg while the techs aligned me into that exact position, I previously talked about. The techs arranged the machine a few times before it was right; they continuously explained what was happening & why. I really appreciated being told what was happening; the knowledge gave a tiny bit of relief from the anxiety of the experience. Once I was in correct position, I was done. It was such a quick evolution, that I didn't know it occurred! The techs assured me that the future visits will be a lot quicker. I'll keep ya'll posted.
The paint on my chest got touched up, because after five days, it had started to wear off. Now, my color is a greenish-blue! The marking is now in a "sorta" oblong position, smack in the middle of my boobies! You can see just a little bit of the green-blue paint when I wear a regular collared shirt.
Like I said, uneventful day. I suppose the experience, and the actual radiation counts as an event, if I had to have one. Maybe I should say, nothing tramatic happend, & no major tears were spilled! I'll keep you guys updated in another day or so.
For those who have signed the guestbook & or left me comments, thank-you! This new battle has a new set of fears associated with it. The words of encouragment, and love keep me centered & focused on the positives. Thank-you for helping me get through this! Talk to you soon....
'Interesting' is the way I'm feeling about my first day of radiation, and a bit uneventful. Whenever Steve is with me, nothing eventful happens.
I got to lay topless in my body cast, in a warm CT room. Who has ever been in a radiology department,and it be warm? It isn't right, not the norm for sure! Steve stood by, caressing my lower left leg while the techs aligned me into that exact position, I previously talked about. The techs arranged the machine a few times before it was right; they continuously explained what was happening & why. I really appreciated being told what was happening; the knowledge gave a tiny bit of relief from the anxiety of the experience. Once I was in correct position, I was done. It was such a quick evolution, that I didn't know it occurred! The techs assured me that the future visits will be a lot quicker. I'll keep ya'll posted.
The paint on my chest got touched up, because after five days, it had started to wear off. Now, my color is a greenish-blue! The marking is now in a "sorta" oblong position, smack in the middle of my boobies! You can see just a little bit of the green-blue paint when I wear a regular collared shirt.
Like I said, uneventful day. I suppose the experience, and the actual radiation counts as an event, if I had to have one. Maybe I should say, nothing tramatic happend, & no major tears were spilled! I'll keep you guys updated in another day or so.
For those who have signed the guestbook & or left me comments, thank-you! This new battle has a new set of fears associated with it. The words of encouragment, and love keep me centered & focused on the positives. Thank-you for helping me get through this! Talk to you soon....
Monday, August 18, 2008
One year anniversary of mastectomy:August 17
Hi all-
I write to you on a Sunday afternoon, one year after the day of my mastectomy. Since I've had to have cancer, I'm relieved to be on this end; a year later.I'm hopeing to be bloggin next year on this same day. Today has been much more pleasurable than last year. I spent it with friends & family, in the sunshine. We had a great day of living!
Looking back, I feel its been an emotional, and eventful year. Shaving my head, receiving chemotherapy, racing for the cure, having a great Christmas with friends and family, ending chemo, trying to go back to work & then realizing that I couldn't,a bone biopsy, and now I'm about to start radiation.
One year and two days after my mastectomy, is when I'll start radiation. Last Thursday, I had my "fitting" for radiation. I call it a "fitting" because I laid on a chemical that makes a cast of my upper body. The chemical is pored into a big, garbage bag & is secured close.That's when I was instruted to lay on the bag. The techs (there were two of them)then tape me to the garbage bag, so that it molds against my body, fitting snuggly against me. While I laid there exposed, waiting for the chemicals to harden, the tech began to mark guide lines with a paint pen. "From high on the sternum to diaphragm" is what this tech was instructed to mark. The same markings were placed on each of my sides, ending in the axilla area. Right before the actual CT scan started, the tech placed marking beads along the paint line. I don't completely understand it all just yet, but from what I do know, all of this combined is to get me into a position for exact radiation, and then to get me in that exact same postion, for 10 days. Once I've had the radiation experience, I'll be sure to blog and let you all know all the exact details.
After my "fitting" was complete (total about 17minutes)I was feeling pretty down, and even shed some tears. (I'm not as tough as most of you think)The tech who has the great job of chemical pouring, taping, drawing with paint, etc... hugged me tight, and even cried with me. The experience was so overwhelming, I forgot her name, but not her compassion or gentle touch. I'll learn her name tomorrow, remember it for always,and thank her for giving me such great care. I don't admire her job.
Needless to say, that I don't feel like being in a bathing suit, exposing the painted belly/sternum! Even though my weekend started out, shaky, I was able to relax, and some have fun. I've learned that shedding those tears, getting them out, and then living, is the right way to handle everything. (at this point,for me)
So here we are, at the beginning of a new fight, and I'm ready, Steve is too. He is such an advocate for me. Whatever the calling might be, he puts on that hat! I'm so thankful that he is in my corner, loving me & caring for me. I also want to say, that I have some really great friends, with great children & their really big chi-wa-wa, Glodie, who give me the support, laughter, and love that I need to get through some hard times. (i wont mention names because i don't have permission to do so)Of course, there are many friends in my corner cheering me on with encouragement, jokes, & love; thank goodness I don't have their permission to include their names, because that list is long! I feel blessed to have so many loved ones on my side!! Thank you .....
I write to you on a Sunday afternoon, one year after the day of my mastectomy. Since I've had to have cancer, I'm relieved to be on this end; a year later.I'm hopeing to be bloggin next year on this same day. Today has been much more pleasurable than last year. I spent it with friends & family, in the sunshine. We had a great day of living!
Looking back, I feel its been an emotional, and eventful year. Shaving my head, receiving chemotherapy, racing for the cure, having a great Christmas with friends and family, ending chemo, trying to go back to work & then realizing that I couldn't,a bone biopsy, and now I'm about to start radiation.
One year and two days after my mastectomy, is when I'll start radiation. Last Thursday, I had my "fitting" for radiation. I call it a "fitting" because I laid on a chemical that makes a cast of my upper body. The chemical is pored into a big, garbage bag & is secured close.That's when I was instruted to lay on the bag. The techs (there were two of them)then tape me to the garbage bag, so that it molds against my body, fitting snuggly against me. While I laid there exposed, waiting for the chemicals to harden, the tech began to mark guide lines with a paint pen. "From high on the sternum to diaphragm" is what this tech was instructed to mark. The same markings were placed on each of my sides, ending in the axilla area. Right before the actual CT scan started, the tech placed marking beads along the paint line. I don't completely understand it all just yet, but from what I do know, all of this combined is to get me into a position for exact radiation, and then to get me in that exact same postion, for 10 days. Once I've had the radiation experience, I'll be sure to blog and let you all know all the exact details.
After my "fitting" was complete (total about 17minutes)I was feeling pretty down, and even shed some tears. (I'm not as tough as most of you think)The tech who has the great job of chemical pouring, taping, drawing with paint, etc... hugged me tight, and even cried with me. The experience was so overwhelming, I forgot her name, but not her compassion or gentle touch. I'll learn her name tomorrow, remember it for always,and thank her for giving me such great care. I don't admire her job.
Needless to say, that I don't feel like being in a bathing suit, exposing the painted belly/sternum! Even though my weekend started out, shaky, I was able to relax, and some have fun. I've learned that shedding those tears, getting them out, and then living, is the right way to handle everything. (at this point,for me)
So here we are, at the beginning of a new fight, and I'm ready, Steve is too. He is such an advocate for me. Whatever the calling might be, he puts on that hat! I'm so thankful that he is in my corner, loving me & caring for me. I also want to say, that I have some really great friends, with great children & their really big chi-wa-wa, Glodie, who give me the support, laughter, and love that I need to get through some hard times. (i wont mention names because i don't have permission to do so)Of course, there are many friends in my corner cheering me on with encouragement, jokes, & love; thank goodness I don't have their permission to include their names, because that list is long! I feel blessed to have so many loved ones on my side!! Thank you .....
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Radiation Oncology Consult
Goodmorning all,
I'm sorry I didn't blog last night, time just got away from me. Everything is okay, and I should have told you all sooner.
In short, I will be receiving 10days of radiation to the sternum area. "Rad Onc" doc seems to think that this big burst of radiation, in this short period, will reduce the metabolic activity, and reduce my pain. Reducing my pain, is music to my ears! I hate taking all these pills, calling every week for a new prescription, and then dealing with the pharmacy. "I'm sorry Mrs.Capps, according to my computer, you just had a refill 10days ago. Our calculation of how much you still have is......"They don't take into account that some days I might need to take more than the minimum, which is how they calculate. Anyway, radiation is going to take care of just more than the pain in my chest!
I am happy, and I know this sounds crazy. Keeping my eye on the big picture: I have metastatic cancer,and will always have to deal with it, until I"m 65 and die from pneumonia! For now, if all I have to do is 2 weeks of radiation, so I"m not in pain anymore, than I"M eager to do it. The driving to, and from the appointment is the inconvience. I'm up for the battle that cancer wants to wage with me. I'm determined, stubborn, and have an excellent support system. (ALL OF YOU GUYS!!)
This Thursday the 14th, I go for my measurment with CT. My understanding of this, is using active CT, doc will mark me somehow for the real radiation appointment. Thursday is when I'll get my schedule for when I'm to come for radiation. Anyone up for taking me everyday?.... I'm joking.
That's all I have for now. Thank you again, and again, and again for all the concern & support. I sure am blessed to have all you guys rooting for me! Take care...Tiff
I'm sorry I didn't blog last night, time just got away from me. Everything is okay, and I should have told you all sooner.
In short, I will be receiving 10days of radiation to the sternum area. "Rad Onc" doc seems to think that this big burst of radiation, in this short period, will reduce the metabolic activity, and reduce my pain. Reducing my pain, is music to my ears! I hate taking all these pills, calling every week for a new prescription, and then dealing with the pharmacy. "I'm sorry Mrs.Capps, according to my computer, you just had a refill 10days ago. Our calculation of how much you still have is......"They don't take into account that some days I might need to take more than the minimum, which is how they calculate. Anyway, radiation is going to take care of just more than the pain in my chest!
I am happy, and I know this sounds crazy. Keeping my eye on the big picture: I have metastatic cancer,and will always have to deal with it, until I"m 65 and die from pneumonia! For now, if all I have to do is 2 weeks of radiation, so I"m not in pain anymore, than I"M eager to do it. The driving to, and from the appointment is the inconvience. I'm up for the battle that cancer wants to wage with me. I'm determined, stubborn, and have an excellent support system. (ALL OF YOU GUYS!!)
This Thursday the 14th, I go for my measurment with CT. My understanding of this, is using active CT, doc will mark me somehow for the real radiation appointment. Thursday is when I'll get my schedule for when I'm to come for radiation. Anyone up for taking me everyday?.... I'm joking.
That's all I have for now. Thank you again, and again, and again for all the concern & support. I sure am blessed to have all you guys rooting for me! Take care...Tiff
Monday, August 11, 2008
Pathology back
Hey-
Oncology doctor called me today, to give me the results of the biopsy I had on Friday. I have cancer! OMGosh....right! Nah, this is something all of us already knew, but never had confirmation of. That biopsy gave us solid evidence that my cancer has returned and invaded other parts of my body.
Tuesday, August 12th, we meet with a Radiation Oncology doctor. We will be discussing a plan for radiation, but I'm not exactly sure of the details yet. I will blog all that information tomorrow.
Not sure what else to say on the subject; its metastatic cancer. I'm facing this next battle a lot smarter, and more positive than the last time I went up against cancer. I plan on being the exception, and prove everybody right when they say I'm tough & strong.
On another note, I've been thinking about participating in the race for the cure again; the second annual teamtiffany showing up to represent. Do ya'll think this is a good idea? Any feedback would be appreciated! Take care....
Oncology doctor called me today, to give me the results of the biopsy I had on Friday. I have cancer! OMGosh....right! Nah, this is something all of us already knew, but never had confirmation of. That biopsy gave us solid evidence that my cancer has returned and invaded other parts of my body.
Tuesday, August 12th, we meet with a Radiation Oncology doctor. We will be discussing a plan for radiation, but I'm not exactly sure of the details yet. I will blog all that information tomorrow.
Not sure what else to say on the subject; its metastatic cancer. I'm facing this next battle a lot smarter, and more positive than the last time I went up against cancer. I plan on being the exception, and prove everybody right when they say I'm tough & strong.
On another note, I've been thinking about participating in the race for the cure again; the second annual teamtiffany showing up to represent. Do ya'll think this is a good idea? Any feedback would be appreciated! Take care....
Friday, August 8, 2008
Fridays Update
Hi there,
Sorry its taken the whole day to get to the computer to write but Steve & I were busy at the hospital(all day).
The short version of this story, is that my cancer is back, with some new(more) disease. Metabolic activity in my sternum is larger, I have a new positive lymph node in my right axilla area, and I have a new positive, peritracheal tracheal lymph node, and the lymph node in my clavical has grown big enough for a biopsy.
Doc sent me right to ENT who confirmed that this was a lymph node of specious size and that I should have a biopsy. ENT sent me right to ultrasound, where I had a biopsy and the results should be available next week. The results are just a formality as it does appear to everyone that this is all recurrence. Long story even shorter I should be starting radiation therapy soon, and my Doc is going to look into available Chemotherapy treatments after I am done with radiation for whatever the radiation is unable to hit.
I feel fine after my biopsy. I wish I had something positive to report but the hits just keep on coming. I guess the bright spot in all of this is that now that I have measuable disease in my body they are hopeful that they can reduce the pain in my sternum with radiation, and I might be able to get in on some type of clinical trial.
For now I think I am just going to try and relax this weekend and enjoy time with my husband and my dog.
Sorry its taken the whole day to get to the computer to write but Steve & I were busy at the hospital(all day).
The short version of this story, is that my cancer is back, with some new(more) disease. Metabolic activity in my sternum is larger, I have a new positive lymph node in my right axilla area, and I have a new positive, peritracheal tracheal lymph node, and the lymph node in my clavical has grown big enough for a biopsy.
Doc sent me right to ENT who confirmed that this was a lymph node of specious size and that I should have a biopsy. ENT sent me right to ultrasound, where I had a biopsy and the results should be available next week. The results are just a formality as it does appear to everyone that this is all recurrence. Long story even shorter I should be starting radiation therapy soon, and my Doc is going to look into available Chemotherapy treatments after I am done with radiation for whatever the radiation is unable to hit.
I feel fine after my biopsy. I wish I had something positive to report but the hits just keep on coming. I guess the bright spot in all of this is that now that I have measuable disease in my body they are hopeful that they can reduce the pain in my sternum with radiation, and I might be able to get in on some type of clinical trial.
For now I think I am just going to try and relax this weekend and enjoy time with my husband and my dog.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Friendship
I am thankful for the many friends that I have, especially the girlfriends. I am lucky to have many girlfriends in my address book and cell phone contacts; I truly have been blessed.
Recently four different women, from four different parts of the country,came to visit me. I am honored to have had these women visit! Each of these women have touched my life in some positive way, more than once. I am at a loss for how good it felt to see these gals; after all it has been a number of years since I had seen any of them.
It felt really good to constantly laugh (even though it physically hurt) and feel the excitement of hearing & sharing stories from the past. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to see these women, get to know them again, and let them know I truly care about them.
I don't know what my future holds, but we penciled in another visit for this time next year. You'll find that I don't feel comfortable planning to far ahead, 'just because'.
Even though I have stage four, metastatic breast cancer with an unclear future, I feel like the luckiest girl! These four women are just a few; I've made many great girlfriends over the years. I'm extremely lucky to have to many to count! Cancer can't take that away from me, ever.
Thank you girls..... for your friendship!
Recently four different women, from four different parts of the country,came to visit me. I am honored to have had these women visit! Each of these women have touched my life in some positive way, more than once. I am at a loss for how good it felt to see these gals; after all it has been a number of years since I had seen any of them.
It felt really good to constantly laugh (even though it physically hurt) and feel the excitement of hearing & sharing stories from the past. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to see these women, get to know them again, and let them know I truly care about them.
I don't know what my future holds, but we penciled in another visit for this time next year. You'll find that I don't feel comfortable planning to far ahead, 'just because'.
Even though I have stage four, metastatic breast cancer with an unclear future, I feel like the luckiest girl! These four women are just a few; I've made many great girlfriends over the years. I'm extremely lucky to have to many to count! Cancer can't take that away from me, ever.
Thank you girls..... for your friendship!
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